Dating to Relationship

So a while ago I raised a question as to when does one transition from “dating” to being in a “relationship”? I have given this quite a bit of thought and have discussed this a bit with friends and MAD. Here are a few opinions in no particular order.

1. When you are sexually monogamous.
2. When you have a talk and mutually agree to not date other people.
3. When you take it for granted that you will be spending the weekends with the other person.
4. When they become your defacto date to events.
5. When you meet the other’s family and actually spend time with them.
6. After 10 dates or 2 months which ever comes first.
7. When you are ok with telephone conversations that last less than 30 seconds.
8.  When anxiety levels during a date drop to baseline region

Ya, some of them are asinine, but they are valid as opinions none the less. I wonder what other criteria that people use?

Engagement et. al.

My sis’s engagement was yesterday. I was on the phone with my parents numerous times through out the day just to check in and see how things are going. The whole thing went very smoothly and I got some pics that were taken by my cousin using his cell phone camera emailed to me the same evening. I am expecting to get copies of the professional photographs in a day or two. I have to confess, it is such a different feeling to actually see the pictures as apposed to just thinking and conversing about the engagement. It makes it so much more real, and all of a sudden you are overwhelmed with happiness and with regret that you couldn’t be there at the same time. My family looks so happy and after such a long time. I cannot even write about it without holding back tears.

All this has given me a new inspiration to work harder on my quals. This puts what is really at stake front and square and in very realistic terms.

Here for you…

Inspired by PostSecret, here is where you can leave me a message if you ever need someone to talk to.

Happy Birthday, Me!

Yesterday I turned 28!  Now I am officially closer to 30 than I am to 25. To quote Bon Jovi, “I am not old, just older.” 🙂

It was a pretty good day too. MAD and I spent the day at a workshop conducted by the student group I am part of. We then had a really quite and wonderful dinner. She even got the restaurant to put a candle on my dessert without doing the whole group singing thing. 🙂 The last time I enjoyed my b’day was about 7 yrs ago.

Checking in with self

[Image from Eric Newport]

I just made an appointment with my therapist. I think my depression is making a comeback, and its back with a vengeance. Or it could be just stress too. I have lost all interest in everything, and nothing really excites me anymore. Even worse, I am genuinely afraid that I might just kill myself. Last week, I was walking across a walkway on the 6th floor of my department and was afraid that I might just jump from it. I had to deliberately control every step just to make sure that I was not going to let impulse take over. Yesterday, I was waiting for a bus, and there was an electric pole being held up by a steel wire. I wanted to touch it to see if there was any current through it. While I was approaching it, I asked myself what if there was current, and found myself answering, would it be so bad if there was? This is highly discomforting. I am afraid that at some level, I am convincing myself that suicide might not be a bad idea after all.

I would not be so worried about this except for the fact that I have my last attempt at quals exam the second week of November. If incase I do not clear it, I will be out of grad school for ever, and right now my life as I know it will come to an end.

Happy News!!!

My sis is getting married!!!!!!!! After a nearly never-ending groom hunt, they finally found someone who fits all of her requirements and satisfies the family’s expectations. The engagements is going to be towards the end of October and the wedding in early December! I so excited for her and so very happy. She has gone through a lot and she deserves a really nice guy.

Re-Move

• I moved to a new apartment this morning. This is my second move in the last 2 months. I am going to have a new roommate, so thats going to be fun. I have known him for a while, and he just returned after taking a year off from grad school to do some soul searching.
• I have moved all the stuff out of the old place, and setup most of it at the new one. I am going to do the rest over the next couple of days. There is no point in straining myself to meet some kind of an arbitrary deadline.
• MAD came over this afternoon and we had lunch together. It was her first day at school after summer break. She was all excited about it. It was really funny, when she took out her handouts from the class and showed it to me. It was almost like talking to an excited 5 year old.

If by Kipling

[Image from orwell.ru]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

M.A.D.

 [Image from Hugh Macleod]

So, I have a new person in my life. I am going to call her M.A.D. based on her initials for now. We met online and have been dating for just over a month now. Even though I really like her, and we are dating each other exclusively (at least as far as I know), I am not quite ready to call her my Girlfriend. I am not quite sure why. We hang out with each other whenever our schedules allow; the sex is amazing; we have a lot in common; our perceptions of life are close; yet I cannot get myself to call her my girlfriend. Maybe I am fretting over nothing. I mean, just coz we have been dating for a while does not mean there is a relationship. This begs the question, when does one cross over from “dating” to “relationship?”

Family Drama – Updates

• I have not confronted my father yet. I thought about it a lot and I decided that his financial disaster management takes a short term priority over the long term relationship issues. I mean, it is not like me yelling at him is going to turn him into a sensitive person overnight. In all probability, it will make him seriously distraught and it would make things worse, both in terms of his emotional stability, and his ability to reasonably react to the financial pressures.
• I have not forgotten or forgiven him for his actions. I am giving him the cold shoulder treatment, and some time this week, I am going to tell him that till he figures out who his real family is, and learns to respect them, I am not going to not involve in any kind of interaction with him other than the perfunctory hellos. I completely realize that this is passive-aggressive, but I do not know of any better way to address this.
• I have been talking to my sis on a daily basis over IM. She seems to be holding up well. She is planning a career change and that is giving her some thing to think about and keep busy with.