Happy News!!!

My sis is getting married!!!!!!!! After a nearly never-ending groom hunt, they finally found someone who fits all of her requirements and satisfies the family’s expectations. The engagements is going to be towards the end of October and the wedding in early December! I so excited for her and so very happy. She has gone through a lot and she deserves a really nice guy.

Re-Move

• I moved to a new apartment this morning. This is my second move in the last 2 months. I am going to have a new roommate, so thats going to be fun. I have known him for a while, and he just returned after taking a year off from grad school to do some soul searching.
• I have moved all the stuff out of the old place, and setup most of it at the new one. I am going to do the rest over the next couple of days. There is no point in straining myself to meet some kind of an arbitrary deadline.
• MAD came over this afternoon and we had lunch together. It was her first day at school after summer break. She was all excited about it. It was really funny, when she took out her handouts from the class and showed it to me. It was almost like talking to an excited 5 year old.

If by Kipling

[Image from orwell.ru]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

M.A.D.

 [Image from Hugh Macleod]

So, I have a new person in my life. I am going to call her M.A.D. based on her initials for now. We met online and have been dating for just over a month now. Even though I really like her, and we are dating each other exclusively (at least as far as I know), I am not quite ready to call her my Girlfriend. I am not quite sure why. We hang out with each other whenever our schedules allow; the sex is amazing; we have a lot in common; our perceptions of life are close; yet I cannot get myself to call her my girlfriend. Maybe I am fretting over nothing. I mean, just coz we have been dating for a while does not mean there is a relationship. This begs the question, when does one cross over from “dating” to “relationship?”

Family Drama – Updates

• I have not confronted my father yet. I thought about it a lot and I decided that his financial disaster management takes a short term priority over the long term relationship issues. I mean, it is not like me yelling at him is going to turn him into a sensitive person overnight. In all probability, it will make him seriously distraught and it would make things worse, both in terms of his emotional stability, and his ability to reasonably react to the financial pressures.
• I have not forgotten or forgiven him for his actions. I am giving him the cold shoulder treatment, and some time this week, I am going to tell him that till he figures out who his real family is, and learns to respect them, I am not going to not involve in any kind of interaction with him other than the perfunctory hellos. I completely realize that this is passive-aggressive, but I do not know of any better way to address this.
• I have been talking to my sis on a daily basis over IM. She seems to be holding up well. She is planning a career change and that is giving her some thing to think about and keep busy with.

Family Drama

 [Image: Die Screaming by Keith Williams]

• My dad got served with a legal notice about some loan that he has defaulted on. This is creating huge unrest in the family unit. I feel so helpless.
• My sis is so worried and flustered that she has not been able to sleep for the last 2 days. She was up till 3 AM just to catch me online, so that she could just pour her heart out. She is going through exactly what I was going through in December of 2003. I know it is worse than hell. I need to find a way out of this for her.
• My mom is all upset that my father has been mistreating and insulting her and my sis in the presence of other relatives. She is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I just know it.
• I am going to have a conversation with my dad tomorrow and lay down the law. It is not going to be civil, let alone pleasant for either of us. I am a total ass. I should have done this a long time ago. I am going to tell him that I am going to get mom and my sis over here if things don’t change instantaneously.

Updates..

• I met with the professor yesterday, and he sure as hell cannot produce a single cohesive sentence in English. I am a bit disappointed that I would not get a writing buddy, but what the hell, a prof is a prof is a prof.
• My longterm undergrad student came back from vacationing in Indonesia. He brought me 4 pounds of fresh prime coffee beans! I love that guy!
• I have to finish off a report by this evening and I have not started yet. So its going to be a lot of writing today.
• Spoke to my dad last evening after a gap of about 3 weeks. There are some interesting and good developments on the business front, but I am keeping my fingers crossed till I see something materialize out of all this.

Things that happen on a 2 hr flight

[Image from NASA]

• Get seated next to a 45 year old German lady
• Realize that you are turned on by her
• Freak out that you got the hots for a 45 year old lady and prepare a list of all the hot women you have dated.
• Get to number 9 on the list and run out of names.
• Realize that your life is no going no where and you just lost the last iota of self-respect you had
• Get the whole I am going to change my life from this day forward moment
• Write down a 2 year plan on back of a napkin
• Realize that the plan hinges on clearing the quals and you are on borrowed time to start with
• Get depressed and start solving Sudoku puzzle from the flight magazine

Monday Morning Blues

[Image from bluesimage]

I *think*I have found a new place to stay. Applications have been submitted, and am waiting to hear back from them on whether I got approved or not. Fingers crossed.

My current roommate wants my help moving his stuff to his new apartment. Yah right. I told him I will help him, but I totally plan on going back on my words just hours before his move. Evil, yes. Satisfying, yes.

I was incredibly mean to my parents this weekend. They had called thrice, and all three times I was a mean SOB. I should call and make nice to them later this weekend. I cannot help being mean/rough when they accuse me of things that were precipitated by their actions. They are mega-pissed that I will not be graduating any time soon and help them out financially. Well, I would have graduated by now had I not taken up a year and half long internship! I had to stick to the internship coz I was sending home nearly $2500 each freakin month. Tell me of one other student who earned nearly $70,000 at an internship, had a RA all along, and is still more than $25,000 in debt. They cannot have their cake and eat it too. Also, how the fuck am I responsible for all the money that my dad keeps losing in his business. Seriously, its been 4 years since he started this thing and it is yet to show any signs of generating revenues. Why am I being penalized for his failures? I am 28 and tittering on the verge of bankruptcy for his mistakes. It just isn’t fair.

Fuck this. I am going to my office and immersing myself in mind numbing routine work.

Traitor

 [Image from Magic Artwork]

 You might recall that I had mentioned that I have to move out of my apartment by the end of the month. My roommate and I had decided that we will just look for another 2 bedroom apartment near the University. We spent the last couple of weeks arduously scouting for a new place, and all of them were rejected for one reason or other. Today he tells me that he wants to move in with some other friends of his since he does not want to spend time hunting for apartments anymore. He says he is too lazy to do this. His words, not mine. WTF? I understand it is his right to move in where ever he wants, but he should have told me about this a long time ago. With just 2 weeks to go before getting thrown out and with a week of travel already scheduled, I now have to go find a place for myself. I always knew he was a selfish oaf, but this level of self centered attitude astounds me.