A new look

Ya…. so…. yet another new look for the same old blog. This one is more flexible, warm, and a lot more simpler. I would like to think that it reflects my personal philosophy is life.

On the fence

A couple of bloggers that I had regularly followed, Zelda and Rented Life , have gone on an indefinite hiatus. I am wondering if I should too. I have a lot on my mind that I need to share, but I am not able to do so freely either due to privacy issues, or due to it being so off topic that this would cease to be a blog about graduate student life anymore. Thinking about it, it never really was a blog about graduate life only. Anyways, just wondering if anyone has any opinion either way.

Early Morning

• Had an 8 AM conference call with QoH. He is away for a month taking care of his health issues. I am glad he is taking care of himself.
• Have office hrs for the class I am TAing, and a short meeting with facilities manager await me later on in the day.
• Found self wondering if it was worth spending $1.10 on a cup of coffee. Jeez.
• Have therapy later today. That should be fun.
• Off to work on a proposal.

Bankruptcy here i come..

• One of my credit lines has been shutdown.
• The credit limit on one of my cards has been reduced.
• I need $400 more than my income just to pay my bills this month.
• All my credit cards are nearly maxed out.
• I am fucked.

obviously obfuscated

[from xkcd]

It took me over 2 years of therapy, 4 years of growth, and 1 dense book to figure out something that could be summarized by a single pane comic. I guess complexity is all relative.

When boredom strikes

I am sitting at home watching re-runs of old TV shows roll on one after one after one. I am feeling a bit sick to go out and do stuff. MAD is busy this evening. I am in no mood for work. So, I decided to tune up my CorelDraw skills and make a “pi” wallpaper. I know, a tremendously productive use of time, but it looks so cool. Don’t you think?

PS: Just in case you were straining to count the number of digits in the wall paper, it is 7441.

oh so true

I was watching The Simpsons and caught this little diamond on grad students. I miss the old episodes of Sipsons when they were actually funny.

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Does anyone know women?

MAD spent Friday evening at my place. We spent a calm evening in doors mostly because I am sick and didn’t quite want to go out and explore the city with a raging fever. We cooked, watched tv, talked, and we called it a night and got in bed. Soon were getting… well.. intimate. All of a sudden she wants me to stop, just climbs on top of me and lies down. I figure she just needs a break or something. The next thing I know, she is crying and sobbing. I get all nervous and start quietly panicking, but managed to keep it together, and just hugged her tight. I am not quite sure what happened, but when I asked her about it later, she said that she just got scared of a few feelings she was having. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Ok, I am not the smartest guy in the room, but even I know better than to go prod her further on this.

As always I went crawling on my knees to the almighty Google hoping it would bestow me with an answer or at the least better understanding. After about an hour of searching and reading I came out more confused than I went in. Looks like women’s psyche got the better of Google too. Oh well.

Hello All

[Antartica as seen by Rossetta Spacecraft]

So, I have been back in town for a few weeks now and things have been just fine. The whole family thing with the wedding is sorting itself at its own pace. My working relationship with QoH is pretty smooth and we are writing a book together now. The next few months in work world will be difficult but a lot of fun. I hope to work on the book, take my general exam, get a few papers out, and do some good research before the end of summer and graduate by fall. Ambitious, I know, but not impossible.

The light at the end of the tunnel..

was actually a train coming full speed at me. My sister’s wedding was canceled. A few hours before the actual wedding, we got an email from an anonymous source that the groom was already married. This started a 4 hour long intense investigation and assimilation of resources. At the end of it we found out that the groom was having a 2 year long secret homosexual affair with someone he had met online. Needless to say, my sister called the wedding off. This while is a good thing of sorts, has been quite a blow to my family. Everyone is shattered in multiple ways, and no one quite knows how to handle all this. On one side there are relatives how are being nosey or being overly supportive, on the other long subdued issues within my own family are starting to come out under the new strain. Kinda like how an earthquake provides a vent for all the stress accumulated over the years.

I am trying to pacify all of this to the best of my ability. Sometimes this is more than what I can handle. It is quite an irony that I am the strongest standing pillar of support for my family. Can there be much hope for anything that seeks to sustain and rescue itself with the help of something as feeble as me? Only time will tell. For now, all I am hoping is to bring some kind of closure to this episode, pave way for recovery, and leave my family with some hope.