Why oh Why?
Its 3.00 AM, and I cannot seem to be able to fall asleep. I am tired. My eyes are burning. My muscles are aching, but I cannot seem to be able to fall asleep. I am watching a streaming video of Sex and City on Shoutcast. One of the characters proposes to another coz he feels like it. He doesnt think about it. He doesnt analyze it. He just does it. The only thing I could think about was why couldnt that have been me? There were so many opportunities to profess my love to RD, but I let them all go. Why couldnt I just go with my instincts? Why oh why on earth did I have to analyze it to death? Its not so much that I miss her, which I do, it is just that I cannot forgive myself for screwing things up so much. It was probably the biggest and the most important thing in my life, and I messed it up. Why cant I just let go of my past? Why cant I move on? Why do I do this to myself?
2 Comments
Other Links to this Post
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
By zelda, November 5, 2005 @ 6:13 pm
you have a lot of regrets when it comes to your ex. when is the last time you saw her or spoke to her. sometimes a good way of getting over someone that you’re ‘obsessing’ about, is to see them. you might have built her up as an ideal in your mind. this is not fair to you or anyone you might want to get involved with in the future. how can anyone compete with an ideal? how can you get over an ideal? let your ex be real to you.
By Pseudosanity, November 7, 2005 @ 3:57 am
Zelda, thanks a ton for the insight. I thought about what you said all day today, and I think you might be right. I tried to list 10 things I didnt like abt RD, and I couldnt list more than 4. She has become the epitome of perfection in my mind. I need to go through my journals from the past remember the real her. You are *infinetly* better than my therapist!