I got a call and an email from QoH this afternoon asking me to meet him today. I was expecting it as he had been out of town since Thursday. So, I walk into his office in an hours’ time. The first word out of his mouth was “Hello”, and it was immediately followed by, “What is your problem?” I wasnt sure as to what he was asking about, so I said, “what problem?” He replies, “Your problem with yourself.” WTF?
Anyways, I realize he is trying to be supportive, so I dont take offence to it, and tell him, “I really dont know.” Then he proceeds to tell me his life story in grad school and how he was depressed and about the problems he faced. Honestly, I couldnt relate to any of his issues, and wasnt exactly feeling comfortable discussing mine with him. He is my advisor, not my therapist. Also, he has this inate ability to throw stuff back on your face at a later point of time. Like hell I was going to let him psycho-analyze me. So, I shift the conversation towards work, and tell him I need structure for the next few weeks. I told him that I wanted him to give me small tasks and hold me accountable for them. I really feel that I need to have someone breathing down my neck to get any work done now. Anyways, he then comes with this theory of being “partners” in research, and not having a subordinate-leader relationship. He said, he could shift to the later mode if I wanted to, but then his expectations of me will drop and basically went on to detail that I would pretty much be reduced to a level of an under-performing student. I dont understand why he has to see it one way or the other, so I try to tell him again that I just need him to hold my hands for the next 2-3 weeks to help me regain my confidence. He gives me another 5 min lecture on partnerships and expectations. It was almost as if I was talking to a wall. He clearly had an agenda and was trying to force it down my neck in the pretext of being understanding and supportive. I knew there was no winning this battle, so I started playing politics too. I indirectly took him to task for not monitoring the other grad student, and for letting him crash and burn the project. I started detailing every single thing that was wrong, and how things could have been avoided if people had even remotely paid attention to my suggestions then. Seeing that he was not winning this battle, he deflected the coversation to the journal I am pseudo-editing for him. We talked about the papers that are being reviewed now, who is doing the reviews, what needs to be done, and stuff. It was a status update/work coversation than an argument. So I left it at that, and closed the meeting.
Oh I forgot… after the meeting I went to my office to work on the journal editing stuff, and QoH walks in a few mins later with an invitation to some art exhibition next week. He hands it over and says, “You might be able to get yourself a girl friend there. Its prime event for it.” WTF? I am not sure if he is being helpful or if he is crossing the fine line into personal stuff. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was trying to be helpful.
I know this post has been ranting on for a while and doesnt seem to be getting anywhere. The thing is, I was kinda confused about the whole meeting with QoH and thought writing about it might clear a few things up. Nope. Still confused.
