Join the Club

Its official now. I am clinically depressed. I met with my therapist this afternoon, and she confirmed it. She now wants me to go meet someone at my university health clinic to see if I should be medicated. I am usually averse to treating anything with chemicals, but I am making an exception with this one. I am just done being sad and worried all the time. At this point I am ready to try anything. Lets see how things go.

I met with QoH for review/status check. He was like, “What the hell is wrong with you, and why arent you working anymore?” I had no answer to that. Felt like crap. People in the past have critized my work, but never the lack of it. How do I tell him that I am not enthusiastic about work anymore? How do I tell him that nothing in life is exciting for me? How do I tell him that irrespective of how much I want to be productive, I just cant? Oh fuck.

Random Musings

1) During my recent vacation home, I was helping my mom clean up the kitchen. I found a really dull knife with a chipped handle. She told me that it was the knife I had used to cut the cake on my first birthday, and she was keeping it as a souvenir. I threw it out inspite of her protests. I feel like crap now.

2) QoH is on my ass about not being productive. I have a review meeting with him tomorrow. I dont feel that good abt the meeting.

3) WR had quit the center while I was on vacation. She told me abt it before I left, so it wasnt a surprise. Starting last week I am meeting with one of senior counselor there. She thinks I am depressed. WR had said the same. I took the online screening test at http://www.ulifeline.org and turns out I have Social Phobia in addition to being depressed.

4) My ex-gf sent me an email yesterday after about an year. It was ridiculous forward sent to the entire group of friends, but it still felt nice. Most probably she just forgot to remove my mail ID from the group mail list.

5) During the last few weeks I have realized that the internship-research combo I have got going right now is as close to ideality as I would ever get, and its just me who is wasting time and not making use of the opportunity.

6) I miss my family. Wish they were here.

The Nerd/Geek/Dork Test

No Surprises here.

Modern, Cool Nerd 82 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 47% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. Nerds didn’t use to be cool, but in the 90′s that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn’t quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and “geek is chic.” The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations! Thanks Again! — THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

To my new laptop

Why do I miss you without even having met you?

Edit: Missed the Title in the original post

Greetings from the sunny tropics

Hello world!

I am sorry I havent been posting ever since I went on vacation, but I really didnt feel like sitting in front of my laptop. Infact I havent even checked my emails since the last time I posted. I figured my work-world will just have to wait till I am done having fun.

So here are a few brief updates:

1) My mom did not faint on my arrival, and thats a good thing. I wasnt really sure that it would be a good idea to pop up unannounced, so I called my parents enroute home. I figured 9 hour notice would be sufficient enough to calm their nerves.

2) Its been 3 weeks of unbridled fun. I have been hanging out with my family and friends all the time. I have travelled to 5 cities so far. Last weekend a bunch of us (about 17) old friends met for dinner, and it was a blast. I am not so sure if the restraunt is going to entertain me ever again.

3) I havent been quite in touch with ED, and I dont really miss her either. I think this answers my questions.

4) My talks went really well and were well received. Delivering a lecture at my alma-mater was surreal. It felt like only yesterday I was sitting in the back rows making life misserable for the speakers. A lot has changed since then, but somehow nothing has changed.

5) I am not sure if I had mentioned AV before. She was a classmate of mine during my undergrad, and we had been in daily contact for the past 2 years or so. I have been hanging out with her on a daily basis these days. I get a distinct feeling that she hopes that there would be more between us. She had once sent a cryptic sms to her sister about this, but (un)fortunately forgot to remove me from CC from the previous correspondences. It was about she wanting to say something, but not knowing how to, or if she should. Anyways, I didnt want to take any chances, so I indirectly made sure that she clearly understood where I stood.

I think thats about it for now. I will post the next time I am sitting in front of my laptop, which could be as late as when I get back home. Adios.