Comic Strip for Nerds

Bug Bash is a new comic strip that you might find pretty interesting if you are a techie nerd.

Second thoughts

I got a call from QoH on Sunday and he wanted to discuss about my internship. There are quite a few legal and logistical hurdles to me continuing on this internship. We were basically hashing out strategies to circumvent them for majority of the time. Somewhere in the conversation, he mentioned that I could also consider returning to the lab and working on my other projects.

I am not sure if I had mentioned this before, but the field I am interning in right now is not my core expertise. I had always wanted to work in this new area, so QoH found out a way for me to do just that. As you know things havent been going that great with it. I have very little to show for a year’s work, and as a result I have been mostly depressed and frustrated.

This afternoon I got an SOS from my lab. One of our core sponsors is planning a visit to our lab next week to evaluate the sensor we are developing for them. This sensor was my brain child and I had spearheaded the group for about 2 years. When I got this internship, I handed it over another grad student in the group, who happens to be my protege’. Long story short, they tested the new sensor over the last weekend and couldnt get it to work. QoH did his bit of fiddling around and couldnt find why it was not responding. As a last ditch attempt they called me. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but it took me less than 2 hours to figure out the problem. It felt REALLY good. I was back in my own elements. I was calling all the shots and my team was working like well oiled machine. I felt proud of the group I had put together. I was beaming in the glory of being the Wizz kid. I really missed that. I know its egoistic thing, but thats what drives me.

I am starting to wonder if I should move back to my old field. I have pretty good grip on it. 90% of my publications are in this field. I have a semi-decent recogonition in this community. However, this is not a hot area. If I choose to be in academia after graduation, I will have a difficult time finding funds and projects.

Is past success a guarentee of future ones? Conversely, is my current failure in the new field an indication that I should get out as soon as I can? I am confused.

Interesting Blog

If you havent come across it yet, I strongly recommend that you take a look at PostSecret atleast once. People from all around the world anonymously send in post cards with their secrets. I am not sure if this healthy, but it makes for an interesting read.

Fun Weekend

Yesterday we had our lab’s annual bike ride. The whole trip is about 70 miles, and is around a lake. This year another professor from the department joined in with his boat. We biked half way around the route, and cruised back on his boat. It was pretty good fun, but every inch of my body is aching now.

TGIF

Its been a pretty useful day. First, I went and spoke J about the internship. My biggest problem is my tution waiver. He is going to speak to corporate and see if he can get them to pick up the tab. We also discussed setting up scholarships as front to basically compensate me for the fees. Then there is always the possibility of him giving me an unrestricted grant and I choose to pay my tution from it. This internship thing is starting to look a lot better now.

This afternoon I finally managed to get myself to see the therapist. God its hard. I really wish I didnt have to do this, but I dont see any other way. I am going to pay for this out of my pocket. I dont want therapy on my insurance records. It might come back and bite me in the ass sometime in the future.

Internship

and now for some good news. J sent me an email a few mins ago asking me if I would like to extend my internship for another year. On one hand its flattering that they are willing to make exceptions to corporate policies on maximum internship terms for me; on the other I am not sure if I want to do this. I will have to work only part-time since I will have to take a few classes in school. This means I will not be a RA and will miss out on the tution waivers. I havent done the exact math yet, but rough estimates put me at a net of -$1500 per quarter. I am going to talk to him and QoH and find a way around this.

Chicken… Chicken… *flaps his wings*

Over the last few days I have come to a conclusion that I am really screwed up in the head. Yeah, thats news to me. My ex-gf is getting married in 3 days, and I just realized that I am still in love with her. I thought I had gotten over her and moved on, but turns out that I havent. Just the thought of her being with someone else is outright unacceptable to me. Secondly, I feel ilike I have no control over my life. Worse yet, I dont know who I am anymore. I have come to a point where I have started to accept anything life dishes out instead of steering it; mainly because I dont know where to go. Lastly (is that even a word?), I think my entire career is a farse. I project the image of knowing a lot, but I honestly know nothing in depth.

Since I know I am not capable of sorting these out by myself, I made an appointment to go see my therapist today. 30 mins before the appointment I got scared and rescheduled it. I am not sure what I am scared of. Maybe I dont want to find out the truth that I really have issues. I like to think of myself as a strong person, and accepting that I have faults just blows my self image out of the water. Whoever said “Ignorance is bliss” is a genious.

Why Pseudo Blog?

I have been putting this entry off for a long time now. I still haven’t thought this through, but what the hell. The world is full of half baked logic, so what’s one more?

As most of you know I am kind of careful when it comes to my real identity. A few have even called me paranoid. While the IP logging might look like overdoing it to some, I feel its necessary. The simple fact being that it puts my mind at rest, and that allows me to blog truthfully.

There are very few people who truly understand what a grad student’s life is, and even fewer who understand the influence/control an advisor has over one’s life. Our careers hang by a thin thread. We are the pawns of academic chess. While we are on essential part of a professor’s strategy, we are by no means indispensable. We can and will be replaced at the professor’s whim. Knowing this, it is difficult for me to take my chances at pissing QoH off. He is a nice guy and all, but I don’t want to put him in a difficult position.

While QoH might be OK with me portraying him in not-so-flattering light, there is still a chance that a third person reads this and forms a totally negative image of QoH and my lab. You have to realize that my entries are just one side of the story. For every criticism of mine, there is probably a valid excuse that goes unsaid. I do not think it is fair for me to put out my opinions and having them influence other people’s thoughts without so much as giving QoH and others a chance to defend themselves.

Academic blog tend to be critical and pessimistic. Atleast mine is. Assuming I graduate before the end of eternity and apply for a job somewhere, the first thing they are going to do is look me up on a search engine. Believe me, irrespective of what their official company policy is, no one likes to employ a person who blogs about work and workplace. Even industrial giants like Robert Scoble have gotten into trouble for this.

I think I have said enough to atleast outlay the basic reasoning behind my pseudo-identity and privacy concerns. If you think I am being unreasonable, then so be it.

Roundup

I got done with my meetings earlier this morning. I got nothing out of a day and half’s worth of sitting in pretty boring monologues. Man, are these management types are in love with their own voice or what? Anyways, I spent the rest of the day walking around the city. I am in love with California. Its warm and fuzzy, and the best part is that 15 miles over the speed limit seems to be the norm. I am now at the airport waiting for my flight back home. Its running a bit late, but I am not complaining. I am soaking up all the sun I can get.

Raise the Roof

I just got an acceptance email from the editors of my book chapter. I am going to be a published author!!!!!! A year and half of pain has finally paid off. Wooot Woot.